Wounded or Wise?

I recently read a wonderful book called 'The Happiest Man on Earth’ by Eddie Jaku. This man went through the Holocaust and despite the horrors and pain of his experiences, developed a level of wisdom that inspires. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend his book. It had quite the impact on me.

It really draws in the fact that life is tough. And we all have our own personal stories and version of hardship, don’t we?

In my day-to-day work I help people who are left wounded by their life experiences. I endeavour to move them from wounded to wisdom - to understand the situation and grow from it. It isn’t always easy, but a large part of the journey being a success, is the willingness to step away from wounded and to attend to the discomfort.

I do sometimes hit resistance. I’ll get the occasional client who does not want to let go of their past. It can be for many reasons: they don’t know how deal with the experience; being wounded brings wanted attention their way; it’s easier to blame others; they do not have to own their healing; staying in pain allows them to feel different and significant; they see it as an opportunity for self-destruction, amongst other reasons.

To move from wounded to wisdom, is a decision.

It's a decision that happens inside us, not on the outside.

Let me try and give you an example of what I mean. If you are learning to use a tool with some sharp edges, let’s say a wood axe. When you start to use it, having never touched one before, you may well hurt yourself and get a nasty gash on your hand.

1) You could scream, swear, cry and complain to everyone how hurt you are, whist gushing blood everywhere, leave it unattended and open to infection. From time to time, you may even pick at it to make it bleed, hindering the healing process.

2) You could (after some swearing) seek some medical help to clean and attend to the wound so it heals faster without infection - you may even do this yourself. You aim to give the wound the best chance of healing so not to leave a huge scar.

Taking scenario one, you may then decide you are never ever going to touch the axe again. That’s it, you are done! Or you may decide to give it another go, but by now your hands are slippery with blood, and another injury is likely. You could end up wounded more badly than before. You might even choose to blame someone for not helping you to use the axe, after all you were hurt, why has nobody stepped in to cut the wood for you?!

Or

In scenario two, you give your hand some time to heal. Then you pick up the axe a little more cautiously. You wish to avoid a similar injury. Taking a different approach and some extra precaution, you proceed a little wiser than before. You may ask a more experienced wood cutter to help you learn to become more confident with the tool.

In the first event, you are staying wounded and even making the injuries worse and do nothing to take care of yourself. You are self-destructing by cutting more chunks of you with every use of the axe. You are not seeking to get more skilled with the tool. It’s like you are trying to prove a point but it’s unclear what that point is, and the wood does not get cut.

In the other, you are seeking to get savvy with the axe. You are actively learning between how not to use the axe and how to skillfully use it. You allow wounds to heal and try new tactics and increase ability. Every time you use the axe you are getting an opportunity to develop your competency. And before you know it, all your wood is ready for the Winter.

Taking responsibility for your growth leads to freedom. Freedom comes from having experience and giving yourself choices. Isn’t freedom the right to choose?

Choosing not to take responsibility for oneself leaves you wounded with no choices. Perhaps you are waiting for someone to do it for you and, guaranteed, they won’t do it the way you want them too. There is no freedom in frustration.

Suffering is a part of living. Going through life thinking terrible things should not happen is a fantasy.

Ugly things happen. Use them to grow wise.

The more terrible the thing the wiser you can become! That choice to move into a place of acquiring wisdom is internal. It’s a willingness.

Wisdom is a lifelong attempt at living well, it’s a journey that only we can take for ourselves.

“Here is what I learned. Happiness does not fall from the sky; it is in your hands. Happiness comes from inside yourself and from the people you love. And if you are happy and healthy, you are a millionaire.”

Eddie Jaku, The Happiest Man on Earth: The Beautiful Life of an Auschwitz Survivor