Predictable Anxiety
I was on a plane from Auckland recently and I over heard a young lady in the row behind me, share with her friend:
“I really hate that I don’t know what’s going to happen in my future, it makes me so anxious.” (The temptation to turn around and question this thinking was almost too much.)
And she goes on to explain, to her companion, how she gets anxiety because life is so unpredictable and random, and she hates not knowing.
Back up the truck a minute!
Imagine, if you will, that you did know what was going to happen, down to the smallest detail. That the next month of your life was 100% predictable - you knew everything that was going to happen and when. Well, the first day or two would be amusing, but by the end of the first week it will probably begin to do your head in!
It would be far to dull and boring, and boredom is the mother of depression.
We need some variety in our lives to keep us aware and feeling alive. We are not drones, but human beings. Variety allows us to notice what’s going on in our life and reminds us to pay attention and be involved in living …it’s the the “being” part of human being.
Unpredictability is the tiny part of life that helps us grow and develop. (Not forgetting that about 80% of the thoughts you have to day were the same as yesterday and will be the same tomorrow, so the unexpected is such a small portion of our day.)
Dealing with a variety of things leads to experience, which leads to skill, which leads to wisdom. I don’t know about you but I’d rather be life-savvy than ignorant and unaware. And getting savvy requires mucking in with life and what it brings your way. Don’t let ‘anxiety’ be an excuse to stay inexperienced.
Anxiety highlights where you are not yet prepared and where you currently lack ability. It’s presenting you with an opportunity to get skilled. It’s about building mastery to cope with future events, because anxiety tends arises when we have a preconceived idea of how our future should be.
We have expectations.
We invent ideas and versions of the situation in our head attempting to predict what might happen. We create mini-movies of potential outcomes - we rehearse conversations that might happen, create thrilling scenarios and spice it up with a dose of drama.
In essence, we are being screenwriters and directors of our future. The problem lies in that we don’t go for a comedy script or a rom/com. No, we go for the full on 18+ horror movie. Except our version of the horror movie feels a lot more personal and invasive.
But hold on a moment, if you are the screenwriter/director, could you not try another genre of movie?
Yes, fine, romanticise the horror if it appeals to you, but also create others versions of the same scene - the comedy of events is a fun alternative, or the superhero/action movie where you successfully conquer the bad guys. Give your brain a few different scripts to analyse and amuse itself with before you lock in the horror.
Why make the future all bad? If you are going to miss the present moment and spend your time focussing on something that hasn’t happened yet, you might as well visit somewhere nice.